Social anxiety, journey to healing.

For years I have struggled with anxiety. This day and age everyone has anxiety, so maybe this isn't some great discovery. However for me, it is. My journey with mental illness is long and sad, so we won't go into much detail. I was always a very shy child who didn't make friends easily and struggled to fit in. I have always known I was anxious but it never crossed my mind that I was socially anxious. In college I felt alive and free. Now at 22, I feel like a zombie. I feel like life goes on around me and it's all bullshit. Life is bullshit. I'm on autopilot. Go to work, come home, eat, sleep, pay bills and repeat. I feel like no one around me is paying attention. Like I'm stuck in a virtual reality where I am no longer playing but everyone else is having a great time. Sometimes I don't know if this is a dream or reality. Why is no one paying attention?

Dislocated Patella (knee) Injury story. Dislocated knee from dancing like wind. 

On February 11th 2016,I somehow manged to dislocate my patella. Doing almost nothing. Most people have this happen to them from sports or doing some kind of high impact activity. I am just accident prone and for some reason I always get hurt from doing the most basic things. I was in my second year of college at the time, taking Early Childhood Education. As part of my program you had to do a placement  ( also called a co-op, or work study) at an elementary school. I was at the school doing my daily activities with the children, there was a supply teacher in that day so I was a little more relaxed. Then a person from my college came in to observe me with the children. This made me a little nervous, having to be watched and still act as normal as possible.The supply teacher put on some music and asked the children to dance like a tree. I knew I had to participate and engage with the children as much as possible to look good in front of the person from my college. I also didn't really care what the supply teacher thought of my dancing abilities because I didn't really know him and probably wouldn't see him again. I began to sway like a tree in the wind. Then the supply teacher asked the children to pretend to be  rough, angry wind. I walked over to two children who were pretending to be wind. I started to dance with them and started swaying. The one child pretended to blow his pretend wind at me and I leaned backwards. I was trying to  fake getting blown over. It was the dumbest thing I have ever decided to do. All because I was showing off to the person from my college. I leaned back and my feet stayed planted. I felt myself falling backwards and I tried to grab onto a tiny kindergarten chair. I then felt the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire life. My leg felt like it was on fire and I instantly went into panic mode. I yelled out for someone to help me while I laid on the floor not really understanding what was happening. Luckily only two children were around me at the time, so I didn't scar too many children (hopefully). I had never dislocated anything before and had no idea what had happened to me. I just felt extreme pain. I can't even describe the pain I was in. It was too horrible to explain. I instantly went into shock mode but I was trying to stay calm so I wouldn't freak the children out. The teachers were not much help to me and basically ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Yelling at each other and running around like crazy people. No one even called an ambulance until about 30 mins after the accident. I had to lay on the cold hard floor in extreme amounts of pain while they ran around clueless. Only one teacher had first aid in the entire school, but that's a rant for another day. I eventually made it into an ambulance and to the  hospital. Although the nurses could not get an IV into my veins and they had to set my knee back into place with no medication (well I did get one shot of morphine thankfully). In the end I was strapped into  the worst brace ever (as pictured above) and given crutches and sent home.I did not realize at the time how long I would be wearing that brace and how long and awful my recovery would be. I was also extremely embarrassed to have had the whole class and the person from my college witness me getting seriously injured from dancing like wind. Only I could somehow mange to dislocate my knee by being wind.My next post will be about my horrible and awful recovery. 

Much love,

Jenna Skye
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/15720301/?claim=des658xx7z4">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Hello and welcome to my crazy boring life. I think it would probably be best to introduce myself and tell everyone a little about me. Basically I am a lazy house wife, not by choice. I'm not actually married though. I live with my boyfriend of (almost) two years and I do not work. I also suck at cooking and cleaning, hence the lazy housewife comment. I have a reason why I am not working though and that is what I am here to talk about. Back in February of this year (2016) I dislocated my right knee. The recovery has been horrible and made it almost impossible to work in my field. I guess I'm getting a little ahead of myself because you don't even know what my field is. I am an Early Childhood Educator, fresh out of college. I somehow managed to graduate college despite the dislocated patella. Working with children is a tough job though and a knee injury only makes it more difficult. I am hoping to use this blog as a way to talk about my knee injury, my life, and basically everything else. I would tell you more about me but there isn't a lot to say. I live a very simple, boring life. I still have a lot of stories to tell though and hope you keep reading. I have also added a picture of me so you don't think of me as a total stranger.
Much Love,
Jenna Skye